Thriving Rather Than Surviving: Living with Purpose and Contentment

Larry W. O’Nan is a respected author, speaker, and stewardship strategist with more than 50 years of experience serving Christian ministries and nonprofit organizations. A former staff member with Cru (Campus Crusade for Christ) for 18 years, Larry helped lead fund development initiatives that generated tens of millions of dollars to support global evangelism and outreach efforts.

He later served for three decades as Vice President of Stewardship Strategies at Management Development Associates, where he advised organizations in designing and implementing effective stewardship and fundraising programs. Larry is also a trusted coach in nonprofit governance, leadership, and major gift strategy.

As the author of Giving Yourself Away and Intentional Living and Giving, Larry teaches that stewardship is about more than finances—it is about aligning one’s entire life with purpose. His work helps individuals move from confusion and fear to clarity, contentment, and a life of intentional impact.

Larry continues to speak and mentor leaders across the United States and internationally. He lives in Highland, California, with a growing family that includes his children and grandchildren.

More about Larry O’Nan at https://larryonan.com/

Episode Summary

In this episode of The Nonprofit Exchange, we had the privilege of speaking with Larry Onan, a seasoned voice in Christian stewardship with over 50 years of experience. Our conversation centered around the vital theme of moving from surviving to thriving, emphasizing the importance of living and leading with purpose, clarity, and commitment.

Larry shared his insights on the difference between merely surviving—waking up each day without direction—and truly thriving, which involves embracing life with joy and purpose. He highlighted the concept of stewardship, explaining that it extends beyond financial contributions to encompass managing all aspects of life, including time and talent. This shift in mindset is crucial for nonprofit leaders, who often operate under stress and scarcity thinking.

We explored how to discover our purpose and calling, with Larry emphasizing the importance of aligning our work with our innate strengths rather than merely fulfilling job roles. He also addressed the high burnout rates among leaders and offered practical advice on embracing the freedom to fail, which can foster a culture of innovation and resilience.

Larry’s perspective on abundance and contentment challenged conventional views, reminding us that true abundance is not defined by material wealth but by the richness of our experiences and relationships. He encouraged listeners to cultivate a mindset of contentment, which is a choice rather than a circumstance.

As we wrapped up, Larry introduced his book, “Intentional Living and Giving,” which serves as a guide for individuals and leaders seeking to thrive in their stewardship roles. He also provided a valuable resource in the form of a Personal Stewardship Inventory, allowing listeners to evaluate their own stewardship practices.

This episode was a treasure trove of wisdom, and I hope our audience walks away inspired to lead with purpose and embrace the journey from survival to thriving. Thank you for joining us, and be sure to check out Larry’s resources at LarryOnan.com.

 

The Interview Transcript

Hugh Ballou

Welcome to the Nonprofit Exchange, where we bring you insights and inspiration to help you lead with purpose, build strong organizations, and create lasting impact. Today’s conversation is about moving from surviving to thriving. You’ve heard us talk about that, but we’re going to dig into that today. Living and leading with purpose is the other part of that. Purpose, clarity, and commitment. We’re going to say a lot more about that. So today on The Nonprofit Exchange, we’re joined by Larry Onan, author, teacher, and one of the most seasoned voices in Christian stewardship. For more than 50 years, Larry has helped individuals, churches, and leaders discover the freedom that comes from intentional living generous giving, and aligning every part of life with God’s purpose. His work centers on moving people from simply surviving to truly thriving with purpose and contentment. In this episode, we’ll explore how leaders can move from survival mode to a life of purpose, generosity, and commitment. Many leaders that I’ve experienced, and I’m sure Larry has, operate under chronic stress, scarcity thinking, and burnout. Larry’s message will offer a path toward freedom and intentional living. So, Larry, welcome to the show. And tell us, what’s the difference between just surviving and thriving?

Larry O’Nan

You know, I think a person surviving is when they’re waking up every day gasping for breath. They don’t know where they’re really going. They’re just hoping that they can’t through another 24 hours. I’m not one that likes to survive. I likes to thrive. And so I see a purpose for everything I do. When I get up in the morning, I start to wiggle my ankles and saying, I’ve got another day to rejoice in the Lord. And I’m going to go for it with gusto. I’m 82 years of age. And for 50 years, I haven’t changed my mind very much. because I really know who I am and where I’m going. And I think that makes a big difference. I know many people that struggle with, oh, dear, here’s another day I’ve got to live through it. I think it’s an attitude mind shift that’s going to take place. You, I think many leaders, in fact, don’t even know they were leaders. They probably tripped in it like I did. They didn’t come into it with a purpose.

Hugh Ballou

It’s an accidental leader. Okay, it’s you. Oh, really me? So that’s happened a lot in both the church world. We’re talking to a generic nonprofit audience, which includes leaders of churches and synagogues, community groups, and all of those. So let’s talk about this word stewardship. It’s got a lot of nuances to it. So it’s more than money. So talk about the definition of stewardship and why is it more than money and why is it important?

Larry O’Nan

Well, you know, the word steward, it means managing somebody else’s affairs. Now, I was raised in a culture where they were always looking for money and it was stewardship Sunday and we’ve got to get people to give and money, money, money. In fact, I was working when I was doing the research, I got booklets that said stewardship is equal to this. And it was all about getting money. And when I started looking into it, because I was challenged by a consultant in one of the groups I was with, that if you don’t teach lifestyle stewardship, and lifestyle is time, talent, treasure, and free people up to be givers rather than takers, you’re going to have difficulty raising the resources you want. So there was a funding element to it. But when I got into it, I’m starting to realize Larry, you are a steward of somebody else’s stuff. So in my life, I don’t own a house, but the state of California tells me I gotta pay taxes on a house. I have a car, an SUV, but it’s not mine. I’ve got clothes in my closet, but they’re not mine. When I realize I’m managing somebody else’s stuff, it makes a world of difference in how I even see life. When I was managing people, I had 125 people working for me at one time. in seven departments. And I realized early on there that I’m helping manage their lives. I’m entrusted to work with them so that we can accomplish a purpose together. But they were not my, quote, employees. They were stewards that I was helping maximize their lives with. And it made a world of difference in how I even saw people, how I help people. And for 50 years in consulting with leaders of nonprofits, I’m over and over again saying, these volunteers or these people, you may pay them something. They are simply stewards of somebody else’s stuff and part of their stewardship is being contributed to your mission, to your purpose of being. So treat them as a steward, respect them, work with them where they got a sense of ownership on what you’re doing. I’ve seen leaders that hate to, they think it’s all about them and people just are working under them. Oh no, they’re equals to the mission of what you’re doing. And if they’re thriving, you’re gonna thrive. If they’re not thriving, you’re gonna have challenges in front of you.

Hugh Ballou

Well, it’s a pivot in mindset. And so I feel like I’m called to my work. So how do we discover our purpose and our calling? People say they’re called, but they’re driven instead of called. So talk about the mindset and talk about how do we discover our purpose and our calling.

Larry O’Nan

Well, I discovered that I was a theater major in college, and I thought I would be at either New York or Hollywood. I just love the directing more than the acting, but I’d done that for a number of years. And I sensed in my junior year at the University of Colorado that I was on a wrong track when it came to my vocation. And I sensed a really strong nudge, if you would, from my spirit. that you should be doing something else with your life. And then I had to kind of discover what that was. But I discovered that when I was in line with what I would think of the all-mighty’s direction for where I was going, I started to align myself with another bigger purpose than what I thought was theater arts. And I love theater. But I prefer to go watch it now and not participate in it. But it started off by an innate sense of calling, not just a job. In fact, people say, well, Larry, you did that years ago. Well, I’m still called to the same thing I was when I was in college. It’s just that I’m expressing it in different ways. So there’s a long-term vision of, OK, this is how I’ve been wired and made, and I need to work in those areas of strength. I think a lot of leaders are assigned by a job or an occupation or a salary. And sometimes they’re very miserable in that because they’re working in their weaknesses, not in their strengths.

Hugh Ballou

Yeah. Yeah. You’re hitting a lot of themes here that we teach about constantly. But we tend to want to do it all and be good in all of it. So there’s a lot to learn discovering our calling. We tend to overfunction. People come because of the purpose, the vision that we have for leadership. And, you know, let’s go back to the stewardship. Nonprofits don’t own anything. We’re stewards of other assets. And so that’s not only in the church, but it’s in our community charities as well. We all run, we’re custodians of the money, the time and the talent. So it’s our job to be a catalyst for that. So I resonate with that a lot. And so talk about, you didn’t want to talk about this much, but let’s just begin on the map here. Some days things don’t go as planned and the burnout rate is really high with both pastors and nonprofit leaders. So we have harder days. How do we, reset our mindset to deal with these and get out of, I mean, you look at the great leaders, Thomas Edison, Henry Ford, they failed a lot, but they got up and had a positive mindset. So what is your advice to leaders that

Larry O’Nan

You know, what you just mentioned, it reminded me of something that I learned when I was in my early 20s. I was struggling with a huge task that had been assigned to me. I didn’t feel like I was qualified for it. I was almost afraid of it. And I had a mentor that said, Larry, you’ve always got the freedom to fail. And I want you to go for it. And you know, the freedom to fail, when I started to realize that failure is not bad news, failure is a part of learning. And when I had the freedom to fail, he told me, he said, Larry, if you don’t do it quite right the first time, you can just go back and do it again a little bit differently. He said, there’s nothing wrong with failure. Just step out and believe that you’ve got the capacity to figure it out. And I think a lot of times we are so petrified against the idea of falling and failing in a sense of negativity that we don’t want to try things. So I learned the freedom to fail over and over again. And even when I’m working on my income tax right now, if I don’t put the right numbers in, I can go back and put the right numbers in. I can call for counsel. I have the freedom to fail in the process of doing my taxes or doing any task I’m taking on. I find many, many, many people in leadership and nonprofits are almost afraid to step out and do something that’s out of the box. they’re afraid to take a risk. And I think the risk says, okay, you’ve got to calculate those risks pretty carefully. I don’t say we just go out and jump off cliffs all the time, but I think we need to be looking at it that there is a way to accomplish this objective. Let’s figure this out and let’s achieve it. I worked with a guy that was a real visionary and he would set goals that were overwhelmingly big. I know one conference he was saying, we’re gonna pray for 100,000 teenagers to show up in Dallas, Texas. This is back in 1972. And he had 89,000 students show up at the end of the thing, plus sponsors. And somebody said, do you feel badly that you failed in getting your number? And he said, I didn’t fail. He said, if we had set our goal for 50,000 kids, we would have had 30. He said, our goal was simply an achievement place to reach out to. It wasn’t about failure. I’m just thrilled to death that we had 89,000 teenagers plus 10,000 adults show up. So I think if we have the right perspective on what our goals are, I think it’s going to make a big difference. I think you’ve got to be reasonable. You’ve got to be thinking about progress and circumstances. Leaders have to take into account a lot of things that are going on around them. But the freedom to fail is going to make a big difference. If you can step out and say, I’ve got the freedom today to fail at something, and all I need to do is tweak it again if it’s not what I want it to achieve, it’s going to make a huge difference.

Hugh Ballou

And you’re not saying at all that you’re planning to fail, because some people don’t want to even make plans, so they’re setting themselves up. Or we have a mindset that we’re going to try, but we think we’re going to fail. So it’s just not being so risk averse that you don’t want to try. I think it’s built in or baked into the culture, don’t you?

Larry O’Nan

Well, it’s almost like we’re so fearful of doing things. I’m in a situation right now with one of my projects. I attend a church and we had a backup of a sewer happen in our church gymnasium and children’s center. 400 gallons of sewer water from the city came in through 14 holes in the toilets and sinks and places like that. And it’s been a real struggle, but I have set goals for them. One, I know I’ve got certain clearance. Like just an example, we came to an impasse on some things, opened up those. And immediately I said, OK, in three weeks, I want us to open the Children’s Center. It’s been closed for 24 weeks. But in three weeks, it’s going to open because everybody says we can achieve that by doing this. Now, there’s a bigger goal to finish the gymnasium and there’s a goal to get bathrooms back in and a kitchen back up to work. Those are other goals, but I want us to see a win. And I gave them something they could stretch for, but believe it. Now, if I’d said do all of the work in three weeks, it’d have been stupid on my part. But when I looked at the circumstances, I said, you can all do this if we just buckle down and do this in three weeks. And we’re going to have our kids back in our children’s center on Easter Sunday morning because everybody’s working for that. Now, I still could find an oops along the way. We could have another thing happen that we were not expecting. But it doesn’t mean we failed. It means that we just missed a little bit of a calendar date. That’s all that means. So I think we’ve got to look at it as a teamness. And the other thing about doing stuff like this and setting goals, it doesn’t mean I got to do it all. I’m relying on other people to pull that off. I’m just raising the flag and saying, let’s charge toward Easter. I’m a noisemaker on that, and I’m pushing for that. But the work is going to come by other people that believe they can go take care of their part of that vision of getting that building open. So I think it’s how you work with people that makes the difference. I’m a steward of a half a dozen other people that are really doing the hard labor. The painting, all the kind of work we’ve got to do, there’s all kinds of stuff. But I’m not going to go do all of that. I’m just helping motivate people to believe they can do it.

Hugh Ballou

One of my favorite definitions of leadership, and people have lots of definitions, but my favorite is that we’re an influencer. So that’s a perfect example of the positive attitude, a positive mindset. We can do this. It influences people to say, OK, yeah.

Larry O’Nan

Well, it rallies everybody together. And you can have little wins along the way. And when people have little wins, they can believe for bigger wins. You can have a goal of a year out, but how about what we do in the next three weeks to reach toward that goal?

Hugh Ballou

Precisely. And part of that’s your risk mitigation, you know, defining the steps so people really feel like they’re safe. So contentment. We always want to do the next thing. We’re always struggling to get the next place, but God’s given us abundance. So what does true abundance mean and how does generosity create the freedom to live within that with contentment?

Larry O’Nan

Well, I think in our culture, we’ve said abundance means something that costs money. I can have an abundant meal and spend just a little bit at a fast food restaurant to get him my favorite all-meat hamburger. I also can spend $200 at another restaurant. Is one abundance and one cheap? No. The fact that the cheaper is probably better food for you in terms of that evaluation. I think abundance, though, has been confused, especially in our Western culture is abundance has got to have a price tag to it. There’s some thinking in our minds that if I drive a high-end Lexus, I’ve got a better car than a high-end Toyota. And they’re made by the same company, and you don’t even know you’re driving something different. They just put a higher price tag on the name Lexus. Now, there’s probably a few fine things that make it different, but I think we’ve confused ourselves in what abundance is. Abundance is life in its totality. You know, I have an abundant life, even though I lost my wife 10 years ago of a glial blastoma brain tumor. I’ve not lost anything in that process. She’s gained eternity. And for me, I’m just saying I’m still breathing, so I’m going to keep right on doing it. I have an abundant life, even though I’m now a widow. because it’s not about pleasing me, it’s about how I can help influence the lives of other people. So if I’m going to leverage my life correctly, I need to be thinking of how I get abundance out of leverage in my life, not how much money I’ve got around. You mentioned, Hugh, another word, and I think it’s huge in the whole area of leadership, and that’s the word contentment. you’re going to live stressed out and messed up and messing everybody else up, like say a hypochondriac or a narcissistic leader sometimes will do, then you’re stressing everybody out around you. And I think the contentment, it says, in fact, I think it was the Apostle Paul in the first century, writing from prison, and he says, I’ve learned to be content in all circumstances. It didn’t say he got it because he was faith-walking. He said, I learned to be content. I mean, that’s a discipline of intentionality to choose to be content. So there are times when I can feel the angst of life, and I’ve got to say, I’m choosing in this circumstance to be content. It calms my nerves down because I can live life in a contented state even when chaos is around me. But that’s a choice I’m making all the time.

Hugh Ballou

That’s a choice. Yes, I will affirm your word. Huge. That is huge. Now, it doesn’t mean that we need to be content with scarcity thinking. So talk about what scarcity thinking is and why it sets up failure.

Larry O’Nan

Well, I go back to there’s an old passage in the Old Testament that talks about God is willing to supply all of my needs And so what I’ve got to look at is what contentment is and what I need to be content. I was in Ireland many years ago, and this young couple had been married for a year and a half, and they had two Waterford Crystal cups, mugs. And there’s only two of them. And they said, that’s all we need of Waterford Crystal is two of us, because there’s only two of us. Now, the typical person is going to say, if I’m going to get Waterford Crystal, I got to have a set of 12. Well, man, those things were, today, if you’d pie those on the shelf, it’s $200, $300 a piece. They were content with their two Waterford crystals because there was two of them enjoying their time together using the two Waterford crystals. I think sometimes we think contentment means I have a huge abundance of all of this junk. to the point that we’ve got storage units across America full of stuff that we’ll never look at again. And we’re driving by them thinking there’s tens of thousands of dollars of stuff stored in boxes ready for somebody to buy the entire unit for a cheap price at some time. We have overextended and we’ve messed up our minds of what is meant by abundance and what’s meant by contentment. So it’s all about money. It’s all about prestige. No, it’s not. It’s about how I can impact the life of somebody else. Can my life today have an abundant feeling because I’ve helped somebody wrestle with a problem? Have I listened when I thought I had something else with a higher priority to do? People don’t always need me to solve their problem, but they may need a listening ear for a little bit.

Hugh Ballou

Yeah, there’s a lot that listening is loving. So, tell us, I see it behind you, tell us about your book, Intentional Living and Giving, and what inspired you to write that book?

Larry O’Nan

Well, that book came out of the 70s and 80s, and we started learning a biblical view of what stewardship was. I am the author of the book, but if it wasn’t for a team of four or five people that work with me for six months, we would have never come up with the principles. It was a team effort, and then that started transforming our lives, and then we started teaching that, and I’ve used the principles of that book in helping nonprofits. I chair the board of one organization called Santa Claus Incorporated. Now that’s not a religious organization, it’s a humanitarian service agency to kids. We help about 260,000 kids a year that are caught in the mess of life in confusion. So it’s not about Christian or non-Christian, it’s about humanitarianism at that particular point. But what ends up happening is that that content is penetrated everybody I’ve touched over the years. And a few years ago, I was in Ireland for some meetings and one of the guys from Eastern Europe that was there saying, it’s so hard to find good content that helps people understand what lifestyle stewardship is. And I came back thinking, OK, Larry, you’ve done this for a long time. It’s time you dust off the authorship side of you and get this book into print again so that people for the G generation, the alpha generation, the younger young bucks of the world have got a fresh view of what it takes to be effective in our stewardship. So the book is in two parts. One about the core values of what this means. There’s five key principles and that covers the first nine chapters. And then if you want to become an authorized wealth distributor, that’s what I call people that choose to be really serious about being a steward, then the last half of the book is practicality on how you live that life every single day. How do you implement this in the real culture where you live in the time you’re there? So Intentional Living and Giving was just kind of getting into writing what I’ve been teaching for a long time. It would help anybody, Hugh. It’s kind of a guidebook to thriving. if you want to think of it that way. But there’s other tools I’ve created along with that. I’ve got what’s called the Personal Stewardship Inventory. And Hugh, anybody can go on there, and in 15 minutes, evaluate your stewardship, your lifestyle stewardship. There’s one question about money. Everything else is about you as a life person. And then I give you input on that at the very end. If a person does that, they can give some input for me. When they fill that out, I just send them back some tips of what they do next based on the grade they gave themselves. So, you know, the lifestyle stewardship is there. The book is there. I’m just trying to help people thrive, Hugh, whether they’re leaders or whether it’s a father and a mother leading their kids. what you’re leading is really secondary to your mindset of who you’re going to be in life. And this is about intentionally doing it by living and by giving. And giving is not about the money, it’s about giving yourself away. So it’s living life and giving yourself away, and you’ve got to do it intentionally. So that’s the essence. of the book. I’m hoping it will help a lot of people. It’s made quite an impact on people that have got it from overseas, around the world, and it’s got a lot to say for those of us here in the United States as well.

Hugh Ballou

Well, it’s a good resource for people watching. I’ve got it on the screen from the video people on the audio podcast. It’s Larry Onan, L-A-R-R-Y-O-N-A-N.com. And so Larry’s got a lot on there. He’s going to give you the first three chapters free. So let’s do something. We’ve got a couple of minutes left. Let’s do a rapid fire one sentence answer question. Okay. Are you game for it?

Larry O’Nan

I’m game, let’s try it.

Hugh Ballou

What does thriving mean in one sentence?

Larry O’Nan

 Thriving means to live a life of joy and abundance because you know you’ve got purpose.

Hugh Ballou

What daily habit keeps you grounded?

Larry O’Nan

Probably getting up every morning and remembering that I’m a servant and I’m here to help others. So I start the day off looking for other people to help.

Hugh Ballou

What belief must leaders release?

Larry O’Nan

The belief that God really has got a plan for you in the first place and a plan for everybody else that works for him.

Hugh Ballou

 And a life of contentment is?

Larry O’Nan

Being satisfied with what you’ve got when you’ve got it. If you could be in prison, you can be on the Riviera. Contentment is not the place, it’s the mindset that you have about it.

Hugh Ballou

Larry, this has been great. I’ve heard that thriving isn’t about having more. It’s about aligning who we are, what we have, and what we do with purpose. Larry, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with our audience today. I want to remind people they can check out your resources on your website at LarryOnan, L-A-R-R-Y O-N-A-N. Larry, you’ve enriched my life today. Thank you for being my guest today on the Nonprofit Exchange.

Larry O’Nan

It’s been great to be with you, Hugh. Thank you very much.